peanuts

so today i learned a lot of strange things.

1. you can not get rid of the little pooch of fat on the inside of your legs. it's nearly impossible.

2. spring break is next weekend.

3. tanning is a big confidence booster.

4. colon cleaners are a good idea for losing weight.


shout out to my new followers!

my sickest desire.

my absolute dream,
my number one wish,
the most disturbing thing i have ever wanted
ever strived for,
ever PLANNED....

my ultimate dream,
my ultimate goal


is to end up






in the hospital.










for my ED.

why why why.

why do i always eat? why do i always fail? why can't i stay motivated????

i barely eat anymore.

i bought a new swimsuit too. one with those cute little boy shorts to make me look less fat in the legs.

this is a very recent picture, btw.

so now i'm a little more excited about the beach trip, and hopefully BF wont think i'm a fat cow!
i need to buy a scale too... someone remind me! my dad has the scale in his room so I can exactly just weight in whenever i want. I think I will go do that today actually.
I'm going to shower and head to the gym soon.

I will continue reading and commenting !

oh no.

i am going to die.
i have to go to the beach for spring break.
wearing tank tops , shorts,
and.. the dreaded bikini. you all saw my body. you know what it looks like.
you know how AWFUL IT IS.
.....oh my god.

so it is now MY GOAL TO LOSE WEIGHT. I have to. NOW. I can't put it off.
do i want to be this :

or this :


i'm heading to the gym now. photo update when i get back.
as of now things are NOT looking good.