afraid to check the scale...

between school starting and marching band, and stress, and homework...
i've been eating eating eating,
eat to keep going...
and now i'm scared...
if I gained more...

this picture
definitely describes my life.

what the hell.

WHY am i still at 95 pounds? WHY did I gain weight?!
I eat barely anything !
do i need to quit eating period?
it's getting too cold to work out.
plus, i'm too shy to go outside and let people see all my fat jiggle, and
my face get red and sweaty.
so now what?

aside from the number,
i have been able to see that my thighs are a bit thinner.
(and wiggly)
I can now successfully fit into a size zero. :D

OH MY GOD I AM GOING TO DIE.

SO

i was really quite down last night,
so i took zoloft
smart right?
WRONG.
my brain, i swear, i short circuiting.
it's like someone is yanking everything
UP
(literally too, because it looks like i've had a facelift)
and oh my god, this ungodly hour, i just want to sleep.
and the twitching?
Yeah,
fucking twitching!
my mouth keeps going into a smile,
which is really super creepy since
it's an antidepressant.
bet they put something in there to make my mouth do that all the time!


this is
NUTS

disappointing.

well with the stress of throwing my sister's baby shower, breaking up with my boyfriend, school- all this stress and i haven't been eating much at all.
all this stress, all this not eating,
and yet i'm gaining weight?!?!

WHY

do i seem to only lose weight around my hips?
my already hip bones stick out.
but do i lose any other fat on my body?
NO.

skeleton key

why
do i always
feel thinner
than i am?

i went away, again,

and i managed to gain 3 pounds. three to total a rotten ninety five.
all i want is the eighties, at least...
right now, i can't even dream of the seventies...
ohhhhh!!! only six pounds from 89!
but i did well today, only ate a block of ramen, and it is a weekend,
and normally i eat somewhat normally on saturday/sunday.
rotten 95!!
but... i'm hungry now....
i don't know if i can resist....

fake plastic trees

it wears me out,
it wears me out,
it wears me out,
it wears me out.