bright eyes.

i have been good.
i have been a very good girl all day.

i had four cookies in the morning(i have been crying all day i deserved them)
a glass of milk
a slim jim
coffee
orange juice.
that's all.

no meal !

And now it starts,
the winter battle
of the fast.

i dont even try any more

i should.
i should try to not eat.

i should see how it is at school
with no food
i should try it
i should see how it is
how well
or how bad for the matter
i do.

during break
i am going to fast
and not eat
and maybe i will continue to do it through school.

how.

how am i supposed to do anything.
you are all so mean.
you are all assholes.

i thought YOU could at least be the nice supportive one but oh i was so wrong.
you are all assholes
you are all assholes
you are all assholes.

why should i tell you anything?
i don't tell you anything.
i'm scared to.
you all pick me apart piece by piece
behind my back.
why am i the hot topic.
it's just like the old days now.
and more than ever i just want to be on my own.


if i could never talk or see any one of you ever again in my life i probably would.

finally.

i am taken , i am yours.

sometimes...

sometimes,
especially when i read blogs with girls over the 110s,

sometimes i think i should be grateful for my 92 pounds.
5'2" , 92 pounds.




......but then i look in the mirror.

these ladies are thinner.

this is what i spent my day doing.

it feels good, its easy, and it works.

i drowned my beliefs .

let me go let me go let me go.
i just want to pick myself and lock me away.
steal myself away from everyone
and let go of myself.

when i have dont have anyone,
i don't get hurt.

i want to sail away.
drift away.
fade away.

please just come take me in your arms,
you new boy,
take me away
hold me until i dissolve into you
am one with you,
never have to leave you.

I'm not living
I'm just killing time.


you aren't going to see me today are you.
you leave in two hours,
and wont be back til sunday,
and i will be here waiting
for you to make me yours
for you to make you mine.

just don't leave
dont leave.